If your loved one is reluctant, the first thing to ask yourself is why. The reason matters because the right approach depends entirely on what's holding them back.
Here are the most common reasons and what tends to help.
They feel self-conscious about being recorded
This is very common. The idea of a microphone, even just a phone, can make people freeze.
Reassure them that the recording is completely private. Nobody outside of you and us will ever hear it. It's not going on social media, it's not being shared anywhere. It exists only to become their book.
If that still doesn't help, don't tell them you're recording at all. Just have the conversation naturally and record a voice note afterwards while it's still fresh. You'll be surprised how much you remember.
They don't want to feel interviewed or put on the spot
Some people shut down the moment they feel like they're being formally questioned.
The solution is simple: don't make it feel like an interview. Put the prompt cards away. Just talk. Ask questions as if they came up naturally in conversation and let the discussion find its own shape. You're not there to extract information. You're there to listen.
Some memories are painful or traumatic
This is important to respect. If there are parts of your loved one's life they'd rather not revisit, don't push. There is no obligation to include everything, and a Legacy Book doesn't need to cover difficult ground to be meaningful and complete.
Simply steer the conversation toward the areas they're comfortable with. There are always more than enough stories to fill a beautiful book.
They don't think their life is interesting enough
This one is heartbreakingly common. Many people genuinely believe their story isn't worth telling.
Sometimes all it takes is someone sitting down and asking. Genuine curiosity is disarming; when a person feels truly listened to, the stories start coming. You might find that once they begin, they can't stop.
Try starting with something small and specific rather than open-ended. Not "tell me about your life" but "what was the street like where you grew up?" Small questions open big doors.
They're a private person and don't like talking about themselves
Try reframing what you're asking for. Instead of "I want to record your memories," try "I just don't want to forget this" or "I'd love to be able to tell the kids about this one day." Shifting the focus from them to the people who will one day read their words can change everything.
If they still won't participate
That's okay too. Not every person will want to be part of this process, and that has to be respected.
In that case, you can still create a meaningful book told from your perspective, about them. Your memories of them, the stories they told you over the years, the things you want to preserve. It won't be their voice, but it will still be their story.